


"Softly Faded." |a short story about anorexia.| (Be More Sincere

by Oddly_Cassie



Series: Be More Sincere/Be More Chill Stories [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Sincere (au)
Genre: Be More Sincere (BMC AU), Inspired by Be More Chill, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oddly_Cassie/pseuds/Oddly_Cassie
Summary: 'Fit in'... That's all Timmy wanted.Timothy Kleinman wants to fit in, so he pays attention to what everyone else is doing. That turns out to be a bad idea, when it turns into changing his appearance completely, and watching what he ate. Luckily, he has the support of his friends and family to make it through.
Relationships: Benjamin Kleinman/Timothy Kleinman, Timothy Kleinman/Rich Goranski
Series: Be More Sincere/Be More Chill Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141697
Kudos: 3
Collections: Favorite Be More Chill Writings





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW- Anorexia, self harm stimming/scratching

It was noon, finally lunch. Timothy dragged himself to the cafeteria, looking through his notebook. He spotted Richie, his boyfriend, sitting at a table already, and sat down. Rich frowned, seeing as Timmy had no lunch with him, yet again. "Hey, Timmy... Where'th your lunch?? You didn't theriouthly forget it again, didja?", Rich said, as soon as Timmy sat down.

As this had been going on for a few weeks now, Rich's mind was flooded with worry and he knew something was wrong. He waited, expecting the same answer, whilst Timmy fidgeted with his hands, hesitant to say anything.  
"O-oh, yeah... J-just for-forgot again. G-gosh, aa-ar-aren't I f-f-forgetf-full?", he finally answered, chuckling anxiously and completely avoiding eye contact with Rich.

Rich frowned a bit, getting an unsteady vibe from his boyfriend. Throughout freshman year, the shorter male was always offered half of a sandwhich from Timothy, who always looked healthy and ate normally, but for the past few weeks, it had been..odd. He was barely seen eating lately, at least at school, and Rich noticed Timmy was beginning to look unhealthily thin. "Mm, are you th'ure babyboy? Do you want me to get lunch for you?? It'th not healthy to not eat." He said in a soft tone. Timmy felt uneasy at his boyfriend's words. "N-no, its o-okay.." He reasurred, scratching at his hand slightly.

Richie sighed. "Th'omething'th up, Timothy. You've been looking really ill and pale lately, you haven't been eating lunch- are you even eating at home..?", Rich prodded, trying to get some info out of his boyfriend. 

Timmy was felt attacked by this question. Thing is, he really hadn't been eating, only eating breakfast every other day, and somehow convincing his mom he had an excuse not to eat supper pretty much every night. "Ooo-o-of c-course I ea-eat at h-home, R-Rich-Richie..!", Timmy lied, with a very nervous, uneasy chuckle, as he began fully scratching his hand, to the point it was becoming red.

Rich noticed how Timmy's scratching became more intensified, seeing the deepened red mark on his hand. He still didnt believe his boyfriend, though he didnt want to trigger him, and he decided not to push further with his questioning. "Did you bring your fidget cube..?" He asked, reffering to the scratching, not wanting Timmy to hurt himself any further. Timmy nodded with a small 'mhm' sound , pulling the fidget device out his bookbag, and began fidgetting with it to avoid harming himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Timmy begin thinking about his recent behavior more, it never really seemed healthy to him and he was just changing himself for other people's acceptance, to fit "the look" everyone else was following. 

His mother always discussed 'self-confidence' since it had been lacking in their family. Timmy understood it immediately as a young boy..but now, it was different, as he felt more weighed down by stereotypes, bullies, so many negatives constantly being thrown at him, follow the trends like everyone else, and fit in... 'Fit in'... That's all Timmy wanted.

. . .

"Th-thank you..Ric-Richie.." He said softly, almost a whisper.

"No problem, babyboy...",  
Rich sighed , and thought maybe he could try getting him to talk again.

"So, what ith going on with you?? Will you tell me now?", Rich asked.

Timmy thought for a moment, then spoke.

"I've ju-just b-bee-been- well, st-studying, in a sen-sense ho-how oth-other kids act and l-look at school..s-skinny and thin b-bodies, dar-dark oversized clothing..I just thou-thought I ha-had to dress and l-lo-look that wa-way too.." He admitted as he continued fidgetting with his cube. "I st-started counting my..ca-calories and b-became min-mindful of what an-and how much I ate..." He added.

"Th'sooo... You've been bathically th'starving yourthelf because... You wanted to fit 'the look' everyone elth followth? ....Why..?", Rich asked softly. He was a bit shocked by Timmy's response, as he never thought that Timmy would do that kind of thing to himself.

Timmy chewed at his bottom lip. "Be-because, uhm...I th-thought that was wh-what oth-other people wan-wanted." He said, noticing once more how damaging this unhealthy habit and focusing on others' opinions truly was.  
"I tho-thought tha-thats wha-what you wanted.. I th-thought you'd l-like me mm-more i-if I was c-cool.." He added softly, turning his hat to the left.

Richie's eyes got wide. "Why would you ever think that I'd want you to change, Timmy? I've alwayth loved you ath you were, and I alwayth will. I love you for you, not what you look like", Rich said, his voice breaking as he choked back a tear or two. "I-I lo-love you too..", Timmy mumbled.

"How do you feel anywayth, when you don't eat..?", Rich's voice went soft, almost whispering.

Timmy let out a shaky breath. "I-I don't kn-know.." He whispered as well. He turned his hat to the right. "...Ti-tir-tired, I g-guess..like how-how my mom wou-would feel af-after work..lik-like I ju-just want to lay dow-down.." He described, fiddling with his tie. 

"Timmy, have you talked about thith with anyone elth? Your brotherth, or your mom, maybe?", Rich asked, keeping a soft tone.

Timmy shook his head. "No-no, B-but I th-think I sh-should te-tell Benji fir-first.." He said, looking down at Rich with a soft gaze. "I-I dont want to tell my mo-mom jus-just yet.." He continued fidgetting with his cube. He made a small squeak at the thought of telling anyone else.

"Well, I'll be here to help you and-" Rich was cut off mid sentence by the bell. "O-oh... See you, R-Richie", Timothy sighed. "Yeah, th'ee ya, Tim-Tim", Rich chuckled, and the two boys went off to their classes.


	3. Chapter 3

After getting home from school that day, Timmy spent almost two hours researching his symptoms and problems, and ended up finding stuff on a condition that was called anorexia nervosa, or just anorexia. When he read through the listed symptoms of anorexia, he was shocked, he fit almost all of them. Timmy contemplated in his head how he would ask his brother for help with this, or if he even should. 

. . .

Finally, after all that thinking and research, he flips through the notebook he had been jotting down his 'food notes' in... and he ripped out all of the pages in where he kept track of all his calories- that was a bad habit he needed to quit. No more counting calories. He crumpled it all up and tossed it in the waste basket in his room.

He then got up, with a deep breath, and went downstairs, where his older brother Benjamin, coincidently enough, was right in the kitchen, preoccupied with doing dishes.

"B-Benji..?", Timmy said , stepping into the kitchen. "What's up, Tim-Tim?", Benjamin replied, glancing up from the sink for a moment, before looking back down. "I... I n-need help", Timothy stated. "Homework?", Benjamin questioned. "N-no.. I need s-s-serious help", Timothy replied, feeling nervous.   
"What... do you mean by that?", Benjamin asked, his tone becoming serious, and now turning to completely face his younger brother.  
Timmy hesitated a moment, and let out a sigh, looking his brother in the eyes as best he could. 

. .

"B-Benjamin, I... Think I have an eating d-disorder, an-anorexia or ss-something like th-that...", Timmy said, with a dark, broody tone.  
Benjamin was taken aback by that. He just stared at his little brother in shock, before managing to stammer out a "...What.?"

"An eating disorder?", Benjamin restated. Timmy confirmed with a nod. the two words struck Benji's heart, leaving a sour taste in his mouth. "What...what do you think started it..?" Benji asked in a calm-ish tone. He knew that an eating disorder was no fun, based on his own experiences.  
He never imagined one of his younger siblings would develop one, especially Timmy.

"We-well...aa-as you know, I-I te-tend to coun-count certain th-things...a-and I gu-guess I grew into the ha-habit of counting calories.." Timmy said with a nervous tone, scratching at his hand again, whilst it was still red from earlier that day.

Benjamin sighed. "Why would you want to... Do that?", he continued to keep his calm tone, to the best of his ability. Timmy continued scratching at his hand.   
"I-I just...s-started rec-rec-recognizing the ki-kids a-at school an-and how the-they dressed, h-how thei-their bodies loo-looked too." He said, recalling the previous notes he jotted down which were now torn up and in the trash.

"Th-then, I-I guess it see-seemed nor-normal to foll-follow what everyone el-else was do-doing... Th-that I nee-needed to fit in and look like them...s-so I tho-thought, maybe I ha-had to change..?" He said, as he was now truly starting to realize how unhealthy all this really was. He had tried to change himself to try and fit the stereotype everyone else was. Timothy Kleinman certainly wasn't just a carbon copy like the rest.

. . .

"Well, you're not like them, and that's okay. I'm so glad you came to me for help, Timothy... That was really brave of you to do", Benjamin said, opening his arms for a hug. Timmy gladly accepted, and the two sort of just hugged for a while, and Benjamin definitely cried a bit, though he wouldn't admit it.

After a while, Timmy backed away from the hug with a warm expression. "H-how di-did you ge-get out of th-thee haa-habit..?" He asked, referring to his older brother's own previous disordered habits, whilst turning his hat to face backwards. Benji thought for a moment, remembering his disorder, it was a feeling he hated, but in a way, he grew stronger from it.   
"Well, words of encouragement.. and trying a better eating habit." He said, his arm still wrapped around Timmy, a form of comfort.

"C-can we m-maybe not tell mom, at least n-not r-rii-right awa-away? I don't want t-t-to free-freak her out..", Timmy sighed. Benji nodded. "Of course Tim-Tam, whenever you're ready." He said with a warm smile. "Anyone you want me to tell specifically?" He asked.   
Timmy thought for a moment, biting at his bottom lip. "Mi-Michael an-and Ja-Jar-red." He said softly. 

"W-will I have t-to go into some s-ssort of thh-therapy?", Timmy said. He knew therapy would probably help him get better, but the thought of it kind of scared him- talking about his feelings and whatnot with someone he didn't know very well- a trained professional, albeit, but still a person he didn't know.... Another thought popped up as well- would he have to go into a 'psych ward', like the ones he had read about during his research? That scared him too. 

Benji thought for a moment, he'd have to remeber to inform the names Timmy mentioned about his eating disorder.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well..do you think you need therapy?" He asked in a calm tone, mostly trying to keep himself and Timmy calm. 

"I th-think it would he-help... I j-just d-doo-don't kn-know w-what would w-wor-work..", Timothy stammered, as he began to scratch himself worse, an anxious stim.

"But maybe some sort of simple counseling.." Benji said, noticing Tim's stims. He gently held Timmy's hands to stop him from scratching.

"I j-just don't wa-want to d-die.. Th-this is sc-scaa-scary..", Timothy said, with a sniffle. "Hey, its gonna be okay, I promise, we'll get through it, we always do." Benjamin said, comforting his younger brother.  
...

-END-


End file.
